


My King

by Shiokami



Series: Medieval Haikyuu AU! [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Ambushes and Sneak Attacks, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassination Attempt(s), Betrayal, Blind Yamaguchi, Disabled Character, Hinata Shouyou & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio Fight, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Implied Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, King Kageyama Tobio, Loss of Trust, M/M, Mute Hinata, Orphans, Physical Disability
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2018-12-08 01:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11636109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiokami/pseuds/Shiokami
Summary: My kingIs high on his throneUntouchableAbove the masses at his feetKing Tobio Kageyama always got exactly what he ordered. Until he didn't...





	1. Power and Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King. I am King.

_My king_  
_Is high on his throne_  
_Untouchable_  
_Above the masses at his feet_

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce thee King Tobio Kageyama, ruler of the Southern Kingdom and Duke of Kitagawa Daiichi."

Dark blue eyes stared straight ahead as a weight in the form of a crown was placed on a raven-haired head.

King. I am King.

He thought as his eyes scanned the masses of people bowing before him. On that day, a 14-year-old boy left his childhood behind for an ermine-trimmed red cloak and a golden crown.

 _My king_  
_Oppressive and merciless_  
_Descends upon the people_  
_And beats them to submission_

Dark blue eyes lingered over the now-razed grounds of what once was a village. A village that dared to rise up against him, that protested under HIS rule, that was filled with people who had become rebels.

Now it was nothing but ash and dust and ruins. The council had pushed this decision.

Now he stood, at merely 15 with blood on his hands, on the sharp silver blade he held dripping with crimson.  
There was a faint sound of sobbing in the distance but he couldn't hear it.

Absolute Power.

He tasted it in the blood of his sword, in the smell of burning ruins, in the sight of ash and dust. He wasn't sure whether he liked it or not...

 _My king_  
_Look down from your throne_  
_Your people are angry_  
_They are tired of your rule_

Hinata Shoyou had not spoken since that day.

That terrible, terrible day 3 years ago.

He had come home not to a home but to a ruin of ash and dust and blood.

To a family that was no longer there.

He had cried his throat raw, had screamed and cursed and sobbed till he couldn't.

Refusing to become one of those attack shaken orphans, he moved forward. Moving to another town, living with Yamaguchi Tadashi who was also orphaned by the attacks, settling in a small house next to a scholar called Tsukishima who was sweet on Tadashi no matter how much they both denied it.

Trying to forget the ash and blood and dust, concentrating on working to keep themselves up, fed and well.

Ignoring the whispers about the mute boy who lived with a blind boy, lived in the house beside the scholar who was rumored to be a rebel.

Pretended to be okay.

 _My king_  
_Come down from your throne_  
_Be among the masses_  
_And see what you have done_

"I still don't understand why I must do this under the guise of a mere peasant."

The 18-year-old ruler of the Southern Kingdom grumbled as he wore the disguise.

"It is politically smart, my lord. The people here may be more accommodating of your rule but would be assassins are still possible."

Sugawara Koushi, the Duke of Karasuno and his adviser counseled. Karasuno was a fairly thriving town, untouched by the attacks. Lively and quite busy, the town's residents were a melting pot of people from other towns.

Dark blue eyes saw nothing remarkable, a typical quaint town with large flocks of crows as its main wildlife.

Suddenly a blur of a boy slammed into the disguised king sending both of them on the ground. Kageyama rubbed his head to see a small boy with two-toned hair bouncing up and down, apologizing profusely for knocking him down.

In his initial shock, he managed a few mumbled words about it being fine. It wasn't fine dammit. He was the king. The King.

"Hey, are you new in this town? I haven't seen you around here before! I'm Nishinoya Yuu! Resident apprentice messenger but I hope to be a knight one day!"

Kageyama was about to open his mouth and snap at the boy when Sugawara intervened.

"I'm Suga and this is Yama. Nice to meet you, Nishinoya."

His silver-haired adviser said nudging the king hard. Don't you dare blow your cover.

"Since you're quite familiar with the town, would you mind showing us around, Nishinoya?"

 _My king_  
_Did you know_  
_That the mind is helpless to prevent_  
_Who the heart chooses to love_


	2. Encounters and Golden Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark blue eyes met fiery gold...

"This is the tavern where you can get supper. The food here is pretty good."

Nishinoya rambled as night fell. He pushed open the doors and his two companions were immediately barraged by the smell of food, the warmth, and laughter escaping the tavern doors.

"Kiyoko-san!"

Nishinoya called to a beautiful dark-haired waitress who brushed off his attention. The raven-haired girl took their order, quiet and efficient.

"Yamayama-kun! Suga-san!"

The two-toned haired boy yelled above the bustle of the tavern.

"What do you think of Karasuno?"

Yamayama-kun? Kageyama thought as Sugawara showered praises on the town much to Nishinoya's delight and excitement, both of them going into an energetic conversation.

Karasuno was indeed a fine town, going about its business and following the King, his orders.

"..attack."

Kageyama was brought out of his thoughts, catching the end of Nishinoya's conversation with Sugawara.

"Uh...what was that you said..uh Nishinoya?"

The raven-haired boy asked tilting his head to the side. Nishinoya inevitably brightened at his attention.

"I was just telling Suga about Kiyoko-san."

The two-toned hair boy said.

"She came to our town about 3 years ago after hers was attacked by the King's soldiers for rebelling. Her father who was a nobleman in that town was killed and rid of his wealth and title. She lives with her mother now. That's why she's always so quiet."

Nishinoya said taking a thoughtful expression which didn't seem right on his usually happy face.

"Most of the waitresses and waiters here have that kind of story. That's why the owner of the tavern takes them under her wing and lets them work here."

Nishinoya gestured then to a freckled boy who seemed to be bantering with a tall blond boy.

"Isn't that Tsukishima, one of the scholars who work in the library?"

Sugawara said softly to Kageyama who froze. His cover could be blown, he thought to remember his multiple unfortunate dealings with the rather unpleasant blond.

"That's Yamaguchi. He was orphaned when his village was attacked and lost his sight. Tsukishima seems to like him which is amazing because he doesn't like anyone."

Nishinoya remarked as Kageyama watched the freckled boy turn to reveal dull milky eyes.

"Oh look, our food is here."

Sugawara said. Nishinoya suddenly brightened.

"Hinata I didn't know you were working today!"

Kageyama looked up to meet fiery golden eyes and equally fiery hair. Suddenly he could hear his heart beating, he could feel his breath catch and his eyes widen.

The boy held his gaze before nodding in acknowledgment, his cheeks the faintest of pink before he walked away.

"Not very talkative, is he?"

Sugawara said trying to defuse the sudden tension.

"Who was that?"

Kageyama said to Nishinoya trying not to show interest.

"Hinata Shoyou. He lives with Yamaguchi, both of them came here about 3 years ago."

Nishinoya said in between bites of food.

"Yamaguchi told me that after the attack, Hinata just stopped talking and hasn't talked since."

Nishinoya remarked. Kageyama couldn't stop staring at the golden-eyed boy who went from table to table serving food, before disappearing into the tavern kitchen.

 _My king_  
_Has stood from his throne_  
_Has realized the one cannot escape_  
_The heart's longing_


	3. Falling and Refusing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indeed the longings of an unloved heart were strange...

Kageyama could not take his mind off of Hinata Shoyou. His bright fiery eyes haunted him, made him feel strange.

Indeed, the longings of an unloved heart were strange.

A week past and Kageyama found himself ordering that Sugawara accompany him to another visit to the town of Karasuno.

Once more, he found Nishinoya. Once more, he returned to the tavern. Once more, he caught a glimpse of the fiery bright eyes that haunted him for the rest of his week. Yet his heart still ached, still longed for something more.

"You should talk to him."

Sugawara suggested gently, the next time they disguised themselves to go to Karasuno.

"Tsukki tells me you have an admirer."

Yamaguchi says to Hinata as they get ready for the day.

"Tall, pale and dark-haired, is he handsome?"

He is.

Hinata signals to Yamaguchi, years of living with not saying a word and Yamaguchi not being able to see facial expressions or writing lead to their own language of signals.

"He is."

Yamaguchi confirms, a smile ghosting across his face as his dull milky eyes stare blankly at the wall.

"What do you like most about him?"

His eyes. They're dark blue.

Hinata signals.

"Do you think he'll have the nerve to speak to you?"

Yamaguchi says absentmindedly.

Hinata hopes he would.

"Uh..hi."

Hinata stares at the dark blue-eyed boy in front of him and waves in response.

Kageyama is mesmerized by the boy who is Hinata Shoyou.

Who speaks in writing and signals and laughs soundlessly and blushes when he says something unintentionally sweet. He tries to be unintentionally sweet for that reason.

He doesn't tell Hinata he is king. Doesn't want Hinata to like him because he is king. Doesn't want Hinata to blame him for his destroyed village because he is king.

No.

All he wanted to be was Tobi Yama, the awkward dark-haired boy who came by every week and worked outside of Karasuno on the other days.

The boy who is smitten with Hinata Shoyou. The boy that has Hinata's affection.

Soon Hinata is no longer Hinata to him but Shoyou. And he is no longer Yama but Tobi.

One day they watch Tsukishima leading Yamaguchi by the hand, the blond boy staring fondly at Yamaguchi's milky gaze.

Suddenly a small hand wraps around Kageyama's larger one and dark blue eyes meet bright gold. No words are said.

Sugawara watches his king walk hand in hand with the mute red-haired boy. He watches them run, racing each other Kageyama's shouting and Hinata's smile is incredibly bright.

Sugawara forgets he is watching his king and sees only a little dark haired boy who finally gets to live the remainder of his stolen childhood.

Kageyama brings Hinata whatever he wishes. A new game, a wooden ornament, a fresh stack of parchment and inks and quills. The first few questioning looks disappear when he tells Hinata that it comes from his work outside of town. The look on the fiery-haired boys face is worth more than all his jewels back at the castle.

For once, he wishes that Shoyou would know him not as Tobi Yama but as the King. That he had the power to give him anything he desired in the whole world.

But Shoyou doesn't know. And Tobio is not sure how to tell him.

Hinata knows Tobi is keeping something from him.

Realizes it when Tsukishima takes one look at the little gifts that Tobi had been bringing him, the parchment and quills and fine wooden ornaments, and wonders aloud how Tobi Yama's apprentice salary is enough to pay for things like these.

Hinata wonders why he never sees Tobi around town other than their weekly meetings in the tavern where he works. Wonders why no one in the town has heard of Tobi Yama before when Yamaguchi asks around.

Tobio Kageyama relishes victory. He enjoys it as once enjoys a fine glass of wine. The King always wins. Those who fight back will lose everything. Another village of rebels burns before him, the hungry flames reflecting the hunger of his dark blue eyes. No one refuses the King. No one resists against his will. But still now he can hear the sobbing and screaming and cursing, smells the stench of ash and death.

Is it worth it?

One day, Kageyama finally gathers enough nerve and leans down to kiss Hinata.

He pushes him away. Shakes his head.

No.

"Can I kiss you?"

He tries asking.

Another shake.

He tries saying please for the first time in his life.

Another no.

Kageyama huffs in annoyance and storms off.

And on that day, Kageyama Tobio was finally refused of something he wanted.


	4. Distance and Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My king  
> The masses will topple your throne  
> Lay waste to your crown  
> Leaving you fallen to the ground
> 
>  
> 
> Never love someone you do not trust. Hinata knew this

_My king_  
_Stands from his throne_  
_Begins to step down_  
_To answer the silent voice calling to him_

It keeps him awake at night. No one has ever refused him anything.

The next week, he stops going to the tavern.

He buries himself in politics and intrigue. Proposals from other kingdom decline, taxes rise, attacks become frequent, one by one, his followers abandon him.

Kageyama shuts everything out. Doesn't hear the rising whisper of rebellion, the hatred for the King who was always a tyrant, who managed to become more of a tyrant.

He shuts out the longing for fiery golden eyes and equally fiery hair, for carefree days of racing around town and incredibly bright smiles, small hands intertwined with his own.

He's not worthy to hold Shoyou's hands with what he had stained with the blood of those who rebelled against him, that gave the order with one flick of a wrist to burn the fiery-haired boy's village to the ground.

In the town, Yamaguchi feels Hinata become impossibly quieter then he already is. Doesn't feel the pounding of footsteps that Hinata makes when he races about.

One day, he finds the fiery-haired boy who has become something like a brother to him and feels the wetness of his cheeks and the heaving of his chest.  
He only wishes he could reassure Hinata that his Tobi would come back.

Is it because I refused to kiss him?

Hinata thinks as he lies in bed alone, the blind boy who he shared it with has gone next door to be with his blond lover.

Hinata thought he knew the boy who was Tobi Yama. Tall, dark-haired with his incredible blue eyes and somewhat naturally scowling face, incredibly awkward but sweet.

But at the same time, he didn't know Tobi Yama. Years of silently listening to others talk confirmed there wasn't something quite right about the way the black haired boy stumbled over his words when he told Hinata about his family, or where he was from or about his job. He had something to hide.

Never love someone you do not trust.

Hinata's mother had told him after his father left them.

Did Tobi not love him enough to trust him?

Did Tobi even love him?

Hinata's breath catches in his throat as that thought passes through. He knew that Tobi deserved better than him. Deserved better than a small scarred voiceless boy with too bright hair and eyes.

Tobi had always struck him as the type of person who expected nothing less than perfection from anything he gave importance too. The way he carried himself, the look in his dark blue eyes when he directed Hinata in their games, everything about him seems to demand something.

It scared Hinata sometimes.

Was it too much to ask for Tobi, even just once, look at him like Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi? Sometimes Hinata wished he was the blind one so he didn't have to catch the tenderness in the usually harsh blond's eyes whenever he gazed into his freckled lover's sightless ones.

Still, he can't help but wonder what it would have felt like if he let Tobi kiss him. Biting his own chapped lips and wondering how Tobi's soft looking ones would feel against it.

Never love someone you do not trust.

Hinata didn't let Tobi kiss him for that very reason. He couldn't love someone who had something to hide from him. He couldn't love someone who didn't trust him, who didn't love him.

Tobi didn't trust him so why would he love him...

Hinata couldn't...wasn't supposed to love someone who didn't trust him, didn't love him.

That didn't mean that Hinata didn't.

One day Yamaguchi comes home, milky dull eyes puffy and red, face pale. Tsukishima just disappeared with no trace.

That night, two broken-hearted boys just hold each other and cry.

The assassin came by the night when the moon was not visible in the sky. Kageyama leaped from his bed as long arms grabbed him, a brief scuffle ensuing, a silent struggle for life.

Kageyama wins by his combat skills, sharpened since he learned to walk. He wasn't the most brilliant fighter in the kingdom for nothing. The assassin goes slack under his vice grip, a mocking snicker shaking his body as Kageyama disarms him of his weapons.

Guards rush in to see their king pinning a man, no an unusually tall boy to the floor.

One of them approaches with a candle for light in the moonless night.

And Kageyama stares into the mockingly calm face of someone he knew from his visits to the library and his frequenting at the tavern, someone he has spoken to both as King Tobio Kageyama and Tobi Yama.

Dark blue eyes bore into the honey brown eyes of the one Tsukishima Kei.

 _My king_  
_The masses will topple your throne_  
_Lay waste to your crown_  
_Leaving you fallen to the ground_


	5. Executing Orders and Giving Commands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My king  
> Has looked down from his throne  
> Has stepped down from his throne  
> Has wished to be a king no more
> 
> "AS YOUR KING, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!"

Tsukishima Kei was to be executed tomorrow morning by the sword at precisely 9:00.

It was Karasuno's first public execution in decades.

From his view on the low balcony, Kageyama watched as the blond was lead to his death, an infuriatingly impassive look on his face.

The people of Karasuno were silent, the soldiers unnecessary to keep the people back. The town was shellshocked.

Tsukishima Kei, the scholar rumored to be a rebel, was, in fact, a rebel. He was to be executed for treason, for the attempted murder of the king.

The king.

Karasuno hadn't rebelled like the other towns. Did not want to be burned to the ground like the other towns. Did not want to become ruins.

But the people stirred, a hunger sleeping in their heart, stirring as they watched the gleaming silver of the executioner's sword. Tsukishima's footsteps, ominous and deliberate became the heartbeat of each and every person in Karasuno.

The air thickened with each step the blond took towards the awaiting executioner armed with the sharpest sword in his stead, still shiny from disuse, the blade hungry for blood.

Yamaguchi couldn't tell what was happening. It had been 3 days since Kei disappeared.

Suddenly he feels Hinata shaking him, feels the frantic heartbeat of the boy who is shaking him so incessantly.

Tsukishima. Hinata signals.

What the boy signals next has him running towards the sound of a murmuring crowd, towards a marching troop of soldiers, towards his Kei.

 _My king_  
_Has fallen from his throne_  
_Has prostrated himself_  
_On his knees_

Kageyama watches as Tsukishima is lead to his death, still an unreadable mask on his face.

How could he so easily hide the fear Kageyama knew was there?

No one was a stranger to fearing death, to leaving everything they had in this world behind.

Suddenly a commotion came from the crowd and Kageyama watched numbly as a body flung itself in Tsukishima's path.

Dull milky eyes filled with tears, he watched the freckled boy he had come to know as his sweetheart's best friend crumble.

Tsukishima's mask begin to show cracks, Kageyama noted despite the sudden disturbance.

The soldiers began to raise their swords threatening to make it a double execution, Kageyama looking on.

The crowd begin murmuring louder and louder and the King thought he was a head of orange making its way through.

Dark blue eyes snapped open as arms wrapped around the blind boy's frame and began to pull him away from the soldiers, silent pleading gold eyes demanding without a word that he would not lose his best friend.

The crowd stirred even more, soldiers unsheathing their swords, threatening the two boys that stood in their path as Tsukishima started to struggle against his bindings and the soldiers flanking him.

Hinata would not let go of Yamaguchi. The blind boy stayed rooted, blocking the path that lead to his beloved's death. Tears were streaming down freckled cheeks, a voice that was always so quiet started screaming.

Soldiers started closing in, yelling at the crowd to stay back, yelling at Yamaguchi and Hinata to step aside.

Both boys would not move.

Kageyama could hear nothing.

Can see nothing but the soldier poised to strike the fiery haired boy that he held his affection, held his...heart.

Suddenly his legs moved faster then his own body, golden crown toppling off his head, ermine trimmed red cloak left in a haste to save the one who loved his unloved heart.

"STOP!"

He yelled over the commotion, the soldiers unable to hear him.

Tsukishima broke free of the soldiers and began to make his way to Yamaguchi and Hinata. Several blades were poised to strike at them.

Kageyama paused in front of the soldiers, drawing himself to full height and making use of the voice that he knew all too well, the voice he used to give an order.

"AS YOUR KING, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!"

Everyone stopped.

Everyone stared at the boy who was the king.

The king who was actually a boy who was forced to grow up before his time, to trade his childhood for a golden crown and ermine trimmed cape, to learn to give orders instead of lessons and played games that left blood on his hand.

The king who was merely an 18 year old boy who was merely a child who had lost his parents too early.

 _My king_  
_Has looked down from his throne_  
_Has stepped down from his throne_  
_Has wished to be a king no more_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shio here, hi. :)
> 
> I was originally planning to give this story a timeskip to the ending but...
> 
> After looking at the plotline, I just decided to give this story 3 more chapters. If any of you readers have comments or suggestions what you'd like me to include in these chapters, I'd love to hear them.
> 
> I'm not entirely sure how the plotline will go along after chapter 6 so I'd love to hear your ideas.


	6. Leaving The Crown and Finding a Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My king  
> Has looked down from his throne  
> Has stepped down from his throne  
> Has wished to be a king no more..

Tsukishima Kei did not lose his life that day. Rather he sat in a guarded room, but a room nonetheless and not a prison or at the mercy of a sword, cradling the blind boy whose unseeing eyes still shed tears. As he held Yamaguchi's shaking form, he couldn't help but let a few of his own tears slide down his cheeks.

Shoyou refused to look at the boy who was not Tobi Yama, the awkward dark-haired boy who visited her every week but King Tobio Kageyama of the Southern Kingdom, Duke of Kitagawa Daiichi.

Blank gold eyes stared out the glass panes of his new room, lavish and large and horribly empty. Just like his heart.

Don't love someone you don't trust.

His mother's words echoed in his ear as he saw her sitting by the fire, his infant sister in her arms. He saw her tears streaming down her cheeks, blank eyes as empty as his own were now, swirling with familiar emotions he now felt. Hurt. Betrayal. Anger. He saw her collapsing on the ground as his 6-year-old self asked why their father had disappeared. Why he left and never came back. He had sworn that day to never leave his mother and Natsu alone. Years fly by and one ordinary day, he comes back to ash and dust in the place of what once his home, to no mother and no Natsu.

Tears streamed down his own cheeks now.

He could feel all the ugly disgusting thoughts well up inside, suffocating him. Somehow the strong, brilliant Tobi he knew went from distant to unreachable. Tobi Yama was a handsome, able, well-traveled young man who could seek adventure anywhere he wished or settle down in a comfortable house with a wife and children. King Tobio Kageyama was on an even higher pedestal, even more untouchable. How could a poor orphan be something to a King?

A King.

Suddenly, it dawned on him, hitting him like a tidal wave, crashing into his heart and stealing his breath away.

The King ordered the attack on his village. Kageyama ordered that attack.

It made sense now, the whispers of rebellion that had circulated in his village, the clash between soldiers and villagers, the constant disappearances of those who spoke against the King's rule.

His village burnt into ash and dust. Yamaguchi's once bright eyes dulled by smoke and fire. His mother and Natsu. Gone.

Hinata couldn't breathe. He felt his tears running down his cheeks, he felt his knees give out, he felt everything bursting out of him. The cord that held the dam back broke.

He let out one audible ugly sob. Then another. His eyes widened. For the first time in 3 years, he could hear his own voice, releasing one ugly sob after another, soft whimpers escaping his lips as his body shook.

Hinata wouldn't look at him. Gold eyes avoided his gaze. The redhead had immediately turned away the moment he opened the door. The tension in the room was high, almost overwhelming. For someone who had seen battle, who had faced possible death, it was shocking how afraid he felt right now. His heart told him to wrap his arms around the smaller boy, to take his little hands into his larger ones. Yet how could he hold Hinata's hand with hands like these? He swallowed the lump in his throat and willed his voice to work.

"Sh-shoyou?"

Of course, he had to stutter. The other boy visibly flinched at the sound of his voice as if he had slapped him. Kageyama's heart ached horribly, an unfamiliar feeling making his heart clench. He looked for a word for it.

Guilt?

Words escaped him again. What was he supposed to say to the other boy? Hi, I'm actually the King and I hope you're glad I didn't execute Tsukishima because he's Yamaguchi's lover and Yamaguchi is your best friend so as the King, I ordered a last minute mercy sentence for him? Now that just sounded stupid. Kageyama stood, rooted to the floor.

Hinata turned to face him.

The King flinched at the look on Hinata's face.

Tear-streaked cheeks, usually smiling mouth twisted into a painful line, eyes red and puffy. Those gold eyes told him everything he needed to know. They screamed. Hurt. Betrayed. They knew.  
They knew he was the reason the ginger had lost everything, his village, his home, his family, his voice. They knew it was by his command that his home burnt to the ground, leaving behind nothing for him to salvage but smoke and ashes.

How could you?

How could you lie to me?

How could you deceive me all this time?

How could you make me fall for you?

Hinata thought angrily, not giving the black haired boy standing opposite him the satisfaction of hearing his newly found voice, the boy who was King who his heart had given itself too.

"I'm sorry."

Dark blue eyes crinkled like they weren't sure if that was the right thing to say. Hinata wanted to hate how genuinely sorry Kageyama looked.

"Uh...I don't think that was enough...but I will try to atone for it..even if.."

Even if it will take years.

Gold eyes watched the boy who was supposed to be the King stumble over his words, trying to convince himself that this wasn't Tobi Yama he was seeing but the King.

The door shut.

Kageyama once again threw himself into ruling, this time the right way, lowering taxes, negotiating with noblemen, rebuilding villages. He often found himself turning to Suga for advice, the older silver-haired man always delighted to give his input.

He knocked on Hinata's door every day, whispered apologies and regrets, left flowers and notes but was never answered.

He learned how to be patient, how to wait, how to hope. Every day without fail, he found himself at the ginger's door, hoping that his knocking would be answered by an opened door. he knew he could just come in. That the door had no lock. Still, he chose to wait, to wish Hinata a good night before departing to his own room, hoping he would greet the boy in the morning.

Hinata didn't know why he hasn't left yet. Maybe it was because Tsukishima was still kept in the castle and he couldn't leave Yamaguchi who chose to stay with his lover. Maybe it was because of how comfortable his life was, not needing to work, having everything he desired brought to him even when he didn't ask for it. The King was scarily perceptive of what he wanted. Maybe it was because of the friends he made. Kind, motherly Sugawara who turned out to be the royal adviser to the king, who checked on him daily as well. Sweet Yachi, who he used to work with in the tavern, now one of the maids in the castle who looks after his room. Maybe it was because of Yamaguchi who never looked happier, being by Tsukishima's side.

Hinata felt a twinge of envy as he watched his blind friend nestle by Tsukishima's side, the blond staring at him with soft, affectionate eyes despite his biting words.

Weeks turned into months and Kageyama found himself pardoning Tsukishima, the blond remarking dryly that the King was no longer someone worth rebelling against. (Kageyama accepted it as a compliment.)

After Sugawara's persistent nagging, Kageyama found himself offering Tsukishima the position as his second adviser. He justified his decision to himself by remembering Sugawara's argument that Tsukishima taking the position would mean he would be staying the castle, therefore Yamaguchi would be staying as well, keeping Hinata close by.

Months passed and the Southern Kingdom prospered under a fair king who listened to his people.

A king who had left his golden crown and ermine-trimmed cloak, had refused lavish proposals of beautiful princesses from powerful kingdoms to stand outside the door with apologies and sweet words and pleads.

A king who now desired nothing but the love of a seemingly mute ginger-haired boy who remained at the other side of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright.
> 
> Finally published chapter 6. I'm not quite sure how to go from here so if you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. :)
> 
> Till next time, 
> 
> Shio


	7. Steps of Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My king  
> Were you ever really my king?  
> I take a step back  
> And wonder
> 
> The first step is denial....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a month and I'm finally out of my slump and ready to continue this! 
> 
> Thank you to Amethystfairy1 for giving me the motivation to write! You should all check them out, their works are amazing!!!

_The first step is denial..._

Hinata doesn't know why he agreed to this. 

But then he remembers Yamaguchi's dull eyes pleading him, begging him to come.

It was the first time he set foot outside of the castle since the unexecuted execution. The wheels of the carriage rattled, too loud in his ears. A heavy, somber sort of silence hung over them like a dark cloud. Of course, Tsukishima insisted accompanying them, muttering something about making his own amends, however, it was his hand holding Yamaguchi's own that Hinata decided to look at, watching the smooth, paler, long fingers of the blond entwine with his dearest friend's own calloused ones.

A chance to heal, Yamaguchi called it but what was healing?

It had been years since they left, had run away from the memories of ash and fire and death that sometimes still visited in their dreams.

"How much longer?" Hinata said, his voice a bit too loud and still scratchy from disuse. He had taken to speaking to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, no one else. Kageyama didn't deserve his voice.

King Kageyama...

He knocked on Hinata's door every day, besides the days he was out which was when he sent letters instead. Still, Hinata didn't want to see him, didn't want to see the face that commanded his village into ashes and gave him the nightmares that plagued him.

Still, whenever there would be a knock on the door, every night, like clockwork, his heart ached. And when the voice on the other side spoke, it was difficult to imagine the King on the other side when all he could see was the awkward, unsure Tobi Yama.

He was sure he hated King Tobio Kageyama, hated him for the family he lost, the home he had burned to the ground but did he really?

Hinata's thoughts came to a halt when the carriage wheels stopped rattling and he realized how familiar the surroundings were. His insides lurched as he stepped down from the carriage, eyes wide at what he saw.

He expected ashes and dust and ruins surrounded by a ring of scorched trees. He expected to see his nightmares brought to life, to come back and hear the screaming, the roaring and crackling of the fire that devoured the life of his village into nothingness.

That wasn't what he saw.

Instead, the trees were the ones of his childhood, strong and sturdy although aged now. The ashes that scattered the dry ground were gone, replaced by green grass. He could hear the birds, smell the fresh air but he saw no village. 

In the middle of the grass, where the village square used to be stood a shrine, solemn and humble but honorable. 

He approached slowly. It was a beautiful shrine, built with stone and marble, etched with beautiful carvings.

Then he saw the names carved unto the inner stone walls and held back a sob as he read the names of the people he grew up seeing, the people who made his childhood what it was.

His mother's and sister's names.

The pain in his chest seems to resonate itself. He had accepted their death the day he accepted that he would never speak again. But seeing their names carved on the walls of a shrine brought back old pain and he felt silent tears dripping ever slowly down his face as he stared at the place he once called home.

What could he call a home now?

"Uh..." 

Gold eyes snapped open and wide to meet dark blue. At least he was standing a respectable distance away but seeing his face again, after avoiding it at all costs sent a new wave of emotion through him.

Once again, he had to convince himself that it was King Tobio Kageyama standing in front of him, clad in a loose white shirt and black trousers with worn riding boots, his usually flat black hair sticking in odd angles as if he had been in a hurry, looking painfully lost as if he had no idea what to say, and not Tobi Yama.

He stifled his heart which was not just fluttering but pounding violently, strange bursts of feelings he didn't want to feel coursing through him like a shock.

He immediately turned away and started heading back for the carriage, brushing off Suga-san's apologizing that the King had got ahead of himself when he heard that they had gone out here.

He's the King. Hinata told himself over and over again. The King.

I should hate him for what he's done.

But the redhead knew in his heart that when he stared into those dark blue eyes, the only hate he felt was for his feelings toward the other.

_Anger..._

Tears burned in Hinata's eyes as he stormed back to the gilded cage that he called his room, the door slamming behind him.

His fists were clenched so hard his knuckles turned white and he let out a long drawn out scream into his hands.

Why did he feel like this?

He thought as he pounded his fists against the wall, the burning feeling inside him only flaring stronger.

I'm not supposed to be like this.

I should hate him.

I should curse his existence.

What he did was unforgivable.

What he did to me was unforgivable.

I'm not supposed to feel like this.

My heart isn't supposed to pound when I see him.

It's not supposed to want this

Why does it even want this?

Why can't I hate him?

I hate these feelings

I hate them.

Why...

I'm not supposed to still love him...

The burning feeling rose up, poised to explode when he grabbed one of the many pillows on his bed and threw it against the wall.

It felt better.

For the next few days, it became a routine.

He ate in seething silence, tried desperately to distract himself but still it wound up. He would throw things across the room, muffle screams into his pillows for fear that someone would hear, pound his fists against the walls, anything to stop those feelings that seemed to be growing in him and hurting him like a parasite.

And every night, there would be a knock on the door and he'd respond with a fury, something always making its mark on the poor door so the knocking would stop and all he'd hear was a muffled apology.

And always after that, Yamaguchi would come in and treat his bruised knuckles and dry his angry tears and sit with him in comfortable silence until he fell asleep.

Until one day he woke up and the burning was gone, a dull ache replacing it.

_Bargaining..._

What if...

Two harmless words.

But when they combined, they could linger there forever.

The dull ache in his chest was full of ifs and what ifs.

_My king_

_Were you ever really my king?_

_I take a step back_

_And wonder_

If Tobio Kageyama loved him, why didn't he tell him?

Then again, he would have no idea how to tell someone that sort of thing.

Still what if he had known from the start, would his confused feelings go away?

Hinata shook his head, knowing that no matter what, they were still miles apart, standing on different sides of a river due to social status.

What if he wasn't King but really just Tobi Yama?

If that was so, would they have been able to love without complications?

But love always has complications?

Hinata's mind ran wildly through possibilities, hours spent each day just wondering. The dull ache wasn't as annoying as the burning he thought, but it was bothersome when it came.

What if the caravan that took them to Karasuno had left them in another place?

What if his village never burned?

Still, it scared him how much his heart ached at the thought of not meeting Tobio Kageyama.

Never love someone you do not trust. His mother's words.

If he left the castle right now if he left Karasuno if he left this kingdom, would he find peace away from Tobio Kageyama?

Still, he couldn't find it in his heart to leave Yamaguchi.

If the King went on to marry a prince or princess just like his status dictated,

If the King opened the door one day instead of knocking,

If the King let Hinata go, let him leave the castle...

Hinata realized that he couldn't think of the black haired boy he had loved, might love now as the King even if they were one and the same.

That the frequent knocks on the door meant something.

That he could leave the castle anytime he wanted but he chose not to.

Never love someone you do not trust.

But Hinata did.

_Depression..._

One day, he had woken up to find the dull ache become something much more deep-seated. It felt empty.

Reality had set back in.

He loved Tobio Kageyama. He loved the King.

Him. A poor common orphan.

Yamaguchi would come in to feel Hinata twisted in a pensive, saddened gloom, a far cry from the bright, happy boy of their childhood. He smiled in melancholy. Tsukishima had helped him heal but Hinata took no one's help, not even his. Stubborn as ever, the ginger insisted on healing himself.

Still, he had known the other since they were children and knew exactly what to do as Hinata's gloom darkened.

He listened.

"I can't love him."

"Yes, you can."

"I'm not supposed to love him"

"Who's to tell you who you're supposed to love and who not to?"

"He doesn't deserve me."

"Why would he deserve you? You were a far better person then he was and he only changed thanks to you."

"What can a common orphan give him that a princess or prince can't?"

"True love."

"As if he actually loves me."

"If he didn't, then why would he knock on your door every day? Why would he say apology after apology? Why do you think he keeps you here? Who do you think he's changing for? Why do you think he was so scared to tell you he was King? Love makes the heart fear, doesn't it?"

"Tsukishima must be rubbing off with you, when did you get so smart?"

" Shoyou, I've always been the smarter one."

The golden eyed boy's lips quirked hinting at a smile before his face fell again.

No matter what he was told, he still felt completely inadequate with his feelings.

How could a King, someone who had the world as his oyster, love him?

It ate at him, the anxiety, the dread, the dulling pain, the heavy gloom. Sleepless night after sleepless night, he spent lying awake in silence.

The knock on the door, the sound of the familiar voice on the other side. Each sweet word, each apology lifted him up, then crushed him as the last word was uttered and the footsteps began to recede.

It had been almost a year now. A year since Tobio Kageyama had come into his life and gave it new twists and turns.

The King. Tobio Kageyama. Tobi Yama. All the same person yet he thought of each so different.

Little by little he had come to see how they made up the one person that made him light up with joy, feel like he could fly. The one person that brought bouts of sadness, of bitter tears and heavy clouds of gloom, who brought burning anger, head spinning confusion, who made him feel so much.

One day, he felt the emptiness begin to empty itself out of him.

And Hinata found peace.

_Finally...Acceptance_

He loved Tobio Kageyama. The King. Tobi Yama.

He loved the black haired boy with the darkest blue eyes, the one who was painfully awkward, who was excessively sweet, who was unceasingly persistent.

He loved the boy who came back week after week to the tavern to see him.

He forgave the King who had halted his near execution and burnt down his past.

He accepted the one Tobio Kageyama who came knocking every night as the one he loved.

And tonight, he heard the familiar knocking on the door and he listened.

"Um...It's been a year. And today I helped Suga with the orphanage that we've been building. And oh, I saw sunflowers and they were really nice..and..they...reminded me of you." Hinata smiled at the unsure tone.

"And yeah, that's my day more or less. I..I wish I could say more..but that's what I did and I'm sorry once again..for...everything...so..yes. That's how my day went. Goodnight..see you tomorrow. And I know it's been a long time but Suga said I should start..um..I should start saying this again...because I talk about it too much."

Hinata stifled a giggled at the rambling. Then he froze at the next words.

"I..I love you."

Blood roared in his ear, his heart swelling bigger and bigger and pushing him, his mind practically screaming.

Tobio Kageyama loved him. Plain and simple.

Suddenly he's pushing open the door and his footsteps echo against the floor as he watches the other's figure freeze and turn back in disbelief as he speaks, his voice still quite scratchy from years of disuse and months of barely being used.

"Me..too.."

Hopeful dark blue meet earnest gold.

"I love you too..."

And Hinata sees the other smile and it's absolutely beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is more Hinata-centric compared to other chapters, the story is probably going to be wrapped up after 2 or 3 more chapters and then I'll concentrate on my other work, the companion piece for this and possibly other side stories focusing on other ships.
> 
> Once again, I'm sorry for the long wait.
> 
> Please comment on the plot, if I should do something better, or your thoughts on this chapeter in general!


	8. What is Happiness?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My King  
> Has all the riches of the world  
> But he wants not for them  
> Only to satisfy his own heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's back from the dead!!!! Anyway's I'll explain later so first, please do enjoy this next chapter.

In the beginning, Kageyama Tobio had only ever loved three things.

He loved milk, drank it like a glutton, had it at every meal, even until now.

He loved his cousin, even if the older boy blatantly took to ignoring him as they got older. He admired the elder's intelligence and cunning and elegance in everything he did. And he went out of his way to imitate it. His cousin was loved by everyone, was adored, was the example of the type of ruler he wanted to be. Looking back, he realized now how twisted it had made him.

Lastly and most importantly, he loved his parents.

His father, the King, was a strict man with stormy blue eyes. He was regal but not haughty or arrogant. And he always had a smile for little Tobio, should his son come into the room. If his cousin was the type of ruler he wanted to be, his father was the king whose shoes he longed to fill. They were very large shoes, he thought now. To be firm without being cruel, to be respected without being feared, to be a king without becoming a tyrant. In the early years of his life, his father had tried to teach him many things.

_"Tobio"_

_Wide blue eyes mirroring his own stared back at him, open and curious and eager to learn. He gave in to the urge to smile and ruffle his son's hair before continuing his reading._

_"My son, be careful of your deeds._

_For violence only begets violence_

_And wisdom begets wisdom_

_But only love is a curiosity_

_It is the only mystery that does not beget itself."_

_And he watched as his son scrunched up his nose and wrinkled his forehead into a frown that was so like his, straining his 6-year-old mind to actually comprehend this bit of wisdom. It didn't faze him, this was heavy thoughts for a small boy._

_And so Tobio's father only ruffled his hear again and told him that one day, he would understand._

Violence begets violence.

Just as cruelty only brings cruelty and suffering only suffers, just as the blood on his hands brought no justice but poisoned him into tyranny. And his father had told him:

_"Tobio, war, and bloodshed is a necessary evil for justice and justice alone."_

But King Tobio Kageyama had been blind to what justice really was. And the fate it had brought upon him was true justice, even if it pained him. His deeds which had turned against others had finally turned against him. Ironically, that was his first true taste of justice.

His mother, the Queen, was the only woman he had ever loved in his life. She was beautiful, kind and smart as a whip. And she laughed a lot. Always seemed to be laughing, mercilessly teasing him and his father on any given occasion that she would spot their face twisting into a frown. He adored her. If his father was inside the castle, sitting in council after each stuffy council, his mother would drag him out to the fields to run and pick flowers that he would help her thread through her own dark hair.

_"Tobio! Tobio hurry up!"_

_She called to her son who stumbled through the fields like a newborn colt, flinching at every blade of grass that brushed at his bare feet. She let out a dramatic sigh before racing over to him, her own feet almost drifting over the green grass before scooping him up. His frightened yelp only made her laugh even more as she spun him around, her jet-black hair tossed by the wind. She relished the freedom, the smell of the earth and caress of the grass and vibrantly colored blossoms that sprung to meet the sun's tender kiss._

_And she sat and watched her son pull out wildflowers and presented her with a haphazard bouquet that she made into a crown. Soon the servants would call her back and she'd race her son back to the castle, back to her frowning husband who was trying his best not to break out into a smile and mock scolded them for being out, her laughter ringing with the wind._

And now he smiled melancholy, reminiscing the sweet memories of innocence that had been nearly washed away by grief and anger. 

Wisdom begets wisdom.

Just as the flowers bloomed to meet the sun's gentle gaze and his mother's laughter dispelled the tension of any malicious thoughts held by his father. His mother's greatest wisdom was always her ability to see what truly mattered.

_"Tobio, nothing is more powerful than love, it sets kingdom upon kingdom, brother upon brother. There is nothing stronger, nothing fuller and nothing better. And our ability to love is our greatest power and we must never let anyone take it away from us, not even death itself."_

But only love is a curiosity.

It is the only mystery that does not beget itself.

Life without love is fruitless, pointless, it loses its very purpose. And young Tobio believed in love, believed that one day there would be someone who he would look at like his father look at his mother. As if she was the sun and the moon and all the stars and the earth itself that was given to him to keep and treasure as his own.

Love was the greatest happiness in this life. Still, it was not always reciprocated, not always given back, sometimes it was stolen in a heartbeat, it broke even the strongest and brought them to their knees.

It was his cousin first who brought this feeling upon him. he had left without a word, simply there one day and gone the next, taking with him only a few of the people he had known growing up. No farewells, no pleasantries, nothing but a letter and it read:

_My dearest Tobio-chan,_

_I hope this finds you in favor and good health, hopefully._

_You must understand that there is no place in this kingdom for both me and you. I, your beloved mentor, teacher, and cousin, have gone out to seek my own kingdom as it was and will never be my right to raise war for this one. I don't wish to upset your fragile feelings too much with a grand farewell so I left quietly and bid only Auntie and Uncle goodbye._

_I recall many fond memories together when you were an annoying but frankly adorable child and I was a beautiful specimen of a- I'll stop here because a certain someone seems to be reading this over my shoulder and telling me to mind my manners. Well then, where was I? Yes, Tobio, you have ~~unfortunately~~ been blessed with prodigious skill and talent that infuriates me greatly, honestly, sometimes I wish I could smite you for such audacity. But you must learn to use it wisely because you may lack the  ~~brain~~ training to do so._

_It is my most sincere wish that I will ~~never~~ meet you again one day, hopefully, once you are finally a man and not a  ~~stupid little~~ boy. But in the meantime, I challenge you so that we may see once and for all, who is the better leader._

_Yours truly..._

His cousin was always the passive aggressive sort now he thought about it. Despite the terrible personality, he had to acknowledge the skill and grace and tact that the older boy had carried with him all his life. Still, it had crushed his younger self and he had taken to sulking quite a bit if not for his parents who took the time to console him, however, this wouldn't last.

_"Do you really have to go?"_

_His mother had knelt down and took his face into her hands, smiling gently._

_"Our people are angry Tobio, and it is our duty as rulers to soothe the tension before it gets to be too much. No worries, we'll be back before you know it!"_

_And she ruffled his hair and pressed kisses all over his face until his father chided her for suffocating him._

_With ceremony, his father had taken his ring and taken a string, placing it over his son's head, looking at him with solemn blue eyes._

_"Defend the castle while we are away, my son."_

That day, his parents had gone on a small diplomatic mission to placate one of the border villages which was under poor governance. Reports of the people beginning to riot had been arriving and as it was very close to his mother's own home, she had gone as well. Only, they never returned.

_"Where are they?"_

_The young boy questioned the returning knights who seemed to have paid no heed to his inquiries. On signal, they had dismounted their horses and knelt before him under the watchful eye of Sugawara, one of the apprentices of his father's advisors._

_"The King and Queen are dead! Long live the King!"_

That very day had destroyed him. The coronation ceremony was brief, cold and formal. He had been clad in the red ermine-trimmed robe, golden crown weighing down his head when he ordered that traitorous village's destruction, every dwelling place, every tree, every blade of grass burnt to the ground. And he had personally gone there, to see everything in flames, an inferno of anger, anguish, and pain. he watched it burn, hours upon hours until there was nothing but ash on the barren ground, wreckage, and corpses. He could taste the blood, smell the smoke and hear the murmurs and wails. But still, his heart did not stop aching. His chest remained suffocated by grief and loss and overwhelming agony.

And in it, he found no peace at all.

______________________________________________________

"Kageyama-kun!"

Dark blue eyes look up to see the other gamboling through the fields, cooing over the flowers, feet bare on the grass. He can't help as his lips quirk upwards, curving into an expression that he only started getting used to doing again. Further up, he sees Tsukishima's absolutely awful smirk as he whispers into Yamaguchi's ear.  Judging by the blind boy's giggling and the blond's eyes which are settled on him, it isn't hard to deduce what they were laughing at. In all honesty, he could have left them in the castle to do whatever couples like them do but Hinata had insisted that they come and he couldn't ever say no to that face.

"Yamayama-kun stop doing that with your face." 

Suddenly the ginger is in front of him, forcibly taking his head with his smaller hands. He doesn't know exactly what Hinata is laughing about but he slowly starts to smile again and this makes the other laugh even harder.

"There! There it is!" Hinata said loudly before he realizes how close their faces are and pulls away, choosing to race off into the fields again, yelling.

"Catch me if you can Kageyama-kun!"

Kageyama-kun.

Baby steps, they have been taking baby steps since their reconciliation. It was an almost delicate dance around each other and things would not simply fall back to the way it used to be. Still, he found himself chasing after Hinata whose delighted shrieks whistled through the air. It was the most beautiful music he has ever heard.

Hinata could talk for hours on end, loud, animated, and expressive to boot. it was as if he was making up for the time he had spent speechless.

Kageyama however, was absolutely willing to listen to him talk for hours.

They squabbled and played around and laughed but around each other, it was almost easy to become shy or bashful. It wasn't perfect but to Kageyama, it was the best thing in the world. It was the warmest of feelings that embraced him like a beam of sunlight, shining gently on his face and he never found himself wanting anything more.

Suddenly, Hinata is pulling him up, ignoring his surprised yelp and they dance, bare feet so light like they weren't touching the grass and he spins Hinata around, the others giggles bubble up in delightful little trickles.

So this is happiness, he thinks to himself.

He wouldn't trade it for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shio here!  
> It's been months, I'm sorry but life has been getting the better of me and I hope all of you following this story understand. I haven't been active on ao3 for awhile and I just finally caught up. Apologies to everyone who was left hanging, I'm so sorry!  
> Anyways, I'll try to wrap up this fic soon and will try to make a regular updating schedule.  
> So shameless self-promotion, please please do follow me on Tumblr at knbhaikyuuaddiction, you can find the link on my profile. I'm accepting requests over there so please do send them in. if you want to request something from this little au of mine, feel free to do so!!  
> Lastly, shout out to Koda_Park for that lovely comment you left! it was the first thing I saw when I came back to brush the dust off this account!  
> And to all the readers, thank you so much for all your support!!!


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